Dream with me

Another Emotional Spew

I can't tell who I am anymore. I can't tell where I stop and the Depression begins anymore. I can't figure out if it's influencing my actions or if it's just me. I feel, for the first time since I was diagnosed, like the Depression is controlling me.

I hate it, the thought of losing control terrifies me beyond belief. I don't want to be governed by this festering sickness anymore, I want to be free of it! I want to be able to move on from it but I can't because everytime I feel like I am finally moving forward I realise I have not moved at all, like I am shackled here, to these unpredictable and all consuming emotions.

I feel sometimes like I am floating and other times like in am utterly drowning and there is no light to guide me out of whatever mire I am trapped in.

God I wish that one of you out there had something, could do something to help me. I wish there was some external force that could somehow lift this curse I have placed upon myself. But I am utterly alone in this, just as everyone else who is afflicted with this abomination of a disease. It is something only *I* can work through and I feel so helpless...so lost and so lonely.

I want to be alone and at the same time I'm to scared to be.

God what the hell is wrong with me today?