Dream with me

Different sorts of Depression

It's funny how much and how little people can change, isn't it? I mean, some people don't change themselves, they just change location.

It always amuses me how human beings think one little thing can make them happy. Getting back with your ex-boyfriend, moving home, that sort of thing. It doesn't change anything, it just shifts your problems.

I am a firm believer in happiness coming from within you. I think you have to want it. And coming from a Depressive, that's saying something. You have to want to end the spiral. You have to want it. Those who don't want it can seek it with words and actions but can't accept it because it's too hard.

And it's not easy to be Depressed either so you're stuck, until you hit that place where all there is, is darkness and cold.

It's like standing on the edge of a spotlight, in the twilight parts around it, and seeing how warm it is inside the light. But all the warmth is being sucked into the light and there is something, keeping you out. Hands, in my case, and voices. Sometimes someone elses, sometimes my own.

The other thing that amuses me is that people cannot accept responsibility. Some Depressives I know are always looking for the reason. The person or situation to blame. I know - *I know* - people and situations can spark a fall but they are not what is important. Knowing the reason is not the same as understanding it. It's not the same as dealing, or healing.

Others use Depression as an excuse for their behaviour. I use it too sometimes, to explain why I don't want to go out one night or to class. Or why I wanted to come home this week but thats not an excuse, thats a reason. Using Depression as an excuse for being abusive, self-rightous or self-pitying is the worst possible thing. Because it gives people who suffer but try to stuggle through, a bad name. It's like giving up. It's like making it convinient. It's like making it...chic.

It's revolting. It induces revulsion in me, to see people who treat it that way.

I'm not down playing the suffering of other Depressives but when you become complacent you're stuck. You can't get better because you almost like it. It's just convinient.

There are people, reading this diary, who should recognise themselves in all that babble and try too take heed.

Ja Ne

P.S. Hotaru - I couldn't find out how to block users so I'm doing the next best thing --->

*cyberpurple* - Take me the HELL off your favorites list right now. And if you don't know why then there is less hope for you than I *thought* there was.